it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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