No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
