OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
