Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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