Just cropdusted the office
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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