This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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