Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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