i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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