your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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