I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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