a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
