dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
