in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
