Someone shit on the floor
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
