it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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