sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
