Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
