Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
