tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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