You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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