In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
