So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I love you.
Bad choice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
