I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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