Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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