Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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