If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
