is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
