I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize