I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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