Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
