And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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