So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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