Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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