He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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