I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize