you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
