so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
