Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
