your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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