You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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