I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
