Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
