i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
time to smoke my breakfast
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
