He had one of those small greek statue penises
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
