I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
