i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
