I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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