How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
where am i from again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
