no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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