i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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