Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
