The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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