I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize