1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize