i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize