My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
