She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize