He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
