I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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