I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
