You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
