Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
