By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
