Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
