Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was born a porn star she said
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
