I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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