my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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