Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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