don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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