I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Randomize
