what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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