You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
